Der Barkley Entry Form bleibt einfach mein Favorit (ist jetzt leider ganz mies formatiert):
The Barkley MarathonsNothing “Out There,” but love and puppiesOfficial Entry Form: 2019 Barkley 100 MileCould there be anything more soothing and relaxing than a gentle massage?YES! Running the Barkley Marathons!!The Barkley Marathons is a joyous celebration of life and running. Held over the gently undulating landscape of Frozen Head State Park, it is renowned for the healing propertiesof its comforting miles. Many of the participants liken it to a modern day Woodstock, a festival of love, peace, and togetherness, as the participants clasp hands around the campfire between loops, singing songs of puppies and kittens. Between now and the race day, crews of kindergarteners and their teachers will be out brushing leaves and sticks from the wide, well marked trails, and paving the surface with rose petals, so that it will not only be soft, but exude a calming fragrance to help the participants experience a feeling of bliss. Truly, this is the place to go to heal the soul and refresh the body.However, before you can participate in this love-fest, I need to have your completed entryform and your USATF Waiver. The $1.60 is pure, shameless profiteering. If you have been selected to run, please send these, along with your completed written exam, as soon as possible. At some date, determined by whim, I wil remove the people who have not submitted their materials and replace them from the weight list....If you are on the weight list, and your slot becomes available. I will either send your condolences or strike you from the list and send condolences to the next person in line. The choice will be based on whether or not I have your materials already on hand. If you are planning on running, you should probably send in your stuff right now! This might seem a little unfair. It might seem a lot unfair. But, no one ever said the Barkley was fair... we just said it is nothing but love and puppies “Out There.” You have to get “Out There” before you can experience the love and puppies. Should you send in your $1.60, and still end up not getting to run this year, then you can submit a request for refund on the proper forms.... You can submit it a thousand times if it makes you happy. But your $1.60 will never be coming back. I plan to spend it on something frivolous as soon as I lay hands on it.Mail your entry, your USATF waiver, and your $1.60 to:<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
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Date: furnished with your acceptance.Time: announced by a conch shell blast, one hour in advance.Location: The yellow gate at Frozen Head State ParkTime Limit: 60 hours for the 100 mile men's race 40 hours for the 60 mile fun run (women, children, and wimps)No: GPS, Altimeters, Cell Phones, Pacers, Caching, or Anything else we don’t approve.Your Watch: Will be supplied by the race after the conch sounds. It will already be set torace time.Layout: 20 mile loop.... To be repeated 5 times.Aid: Water Drops are possible at 8 and 13 miles each loop. Your Car at the start/finish.Net altitude change: 0 feet (0 meters)Expected weather: temperatures between 0 and 85 degrees (f). Probable fog, rain, sleet, snow, hail, or high winds. Possibly all of the above. Possibly all within the same loop.Application fee: $1.60 (non-refundable), and an essay on "Why I should be allowed to run the Barkley" (required before acceptance of entry or to be called from weight list)Entry Fee:Virgins- a License Plate from your home State or CountryVeterans (prior dnf's)- Overseas runners: an extra large T-shirt, (with printing in your native language) from your home country. North American runners: a 12 pack of a Dr Pepper knockoff soda in cans. The more rare the brand, the better (a bonus for Dr Bubba) Moxie soda is an acceptable substitute!Alumni-(see below*)- a pack of Camel Filter Cigarettes (regular)Pre-race Meal: Chicken BBQ . We provide digitally prepared BBQ Chicken & paper plates. Side Items pot-luck. Bring your own beverages. You will never find chicken like this anywhere else. (the cook works for praise... lavish it on him)Awards: after 5 loops, you don't have to go back out. Requirements: No children, they are too small. No women, they are too soft. No Yankees, we don't want them buried here. No Crimson Tide Fans, you can’t eat chicken without teeth. No vegans, they provide no nutrition. No Wimps, Worms, Slugs, or Weenies, because they don’t got what it takes.How to Find Frozen Head: You are kidding, right? If you can’t even find the park on your own, then what chance do you think you have during the race?* the Barkley Marathons 100 Mile Alumni are: John Kelly (Class of ’17), Nick Hollon (’13), Travis Wildeboer (’13), Brett Maune (’11, ‘12), Jared Campbell (’12,’14,’16), John Fegyveresi (’12), JB Basham (’10), Andrew Thompson (’09), Brian Robinson (’08), Mike Tilden (’04), Jim Nelson (’04), Ted "Cave Dog" Kaiser ('03), Blake Wood ('01), David Horton ('01), Mark Williams ('95)
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Written Exam:1)Were the ediacara plants or animals: 2)What is the meaning of the name of the element Dysprosium: 3)What re-ionized the universe 13 billion years ago: 4)Find a number X, where: (((x*3)+6)/3))-x does not =2:5)Is the copper scroll treasure real : 6)What happened to the mary celeste:7)What will be your finishing time for the first loop: _________Extra Credit:1)I am thinking of a number between 1 and 100. Name it: 2)Have you ever said; “that would have been good, but it had too much bacon?” The same question for butter or chocolate. Explain your answers.This space only appears blank to people who are not going to finish
Name:_________________________________________________________ Birthdate (Ethiopian calendar):_____________________________________Street___________________________________ Hat Size:________City ______________________________________ Favorite Parasite: _____________________ State/ Nation/Zip_________________________________ Next of kin: ____________________I really want to run the Barkley. I have been warned how hard it is. I have been warned that I am entirely responsible for my own safety and well being. I know that I might get hurt out there, but I promise to do everything possible to make my adventure a safe one. Iagree to accept the decision of race management, should they deem me unfit to continue. And I agree to reimburse all expenses, should a search or rescue be required on my behalf. If I am stupid enough to attempt the Barkley, I deserve to be held responsible for any result of that attempt, be it financial, physical, mental, or any thing else.Signed:_________________________________________________________________Notarized________________________________________________________________Read and follow the next instruction, or your entry will berescinded